Pumpkins, Two Ways

Kristen visits Carved at Descanso Gardens & makes Pumpkin Dessert!

Happy Halloween! I like Halloween, but I do not like to put in any of the work necessary for a really festive one. I don’t decorate. At best, I buy a pumpkin and place it sadly on the porch, where it sits uncarved until I chuck it in favor of Christmas decorations, something I do put in effort for, because Jesus. When we first moved in, a trick-or-treater told us he missed our blow-up Jack Skellington that we “usually put out,” clearly referring to the previous renter, and I felt guilty about half-assing it for him. I tried to give him a second piece of candy as an apology, but he didn’t take it, and that was another piece of candy we ended up having to eat ourselves. The trick-or-treaters here, in general, are very polite about taking just one piece. Almost none of them puts their whole fist in your bowl. It’s strange and unsettling.

As I write this, I am attempting to psych myself up to go to a Halloween party, and the jury is still out on whether or not I actually go, even though I went to the trouble of buying a $12 hot pink scarf to dress as Tanya from White Lotus. (Don’t come for me. I’m SAG-Eligible, but I never joined, because I only have the strength to accept humiliations that come from writing, not acting.)

The best way, in my opinion, for a lazy person to celebrate Halloween is to go to a Jack-o-Lantern display. Nothing too spooky. Just a pretty field somewhere, where someone else has done the carving and the scooping and the lighting. In New York, the best place is The Great Jack-o-Lantern Blaze in the Hudson Valley. It’s magical. Every year, there are thousands of jack-o-lanterns, some of them are part of moving displays like a carousel or a ferris wheel. 

In Los Angeles, there are a couple options: Carved at Descanso Gardens or Nights of the Jack in Calabasas. We chose to go to Carved! This ended up being both good and bad. Good, because it was really fun. Bad, because Jason had seen an Instagram from one of our friends of a pumpkin that was carved with just the name “Mariah Carey,” and we spent all night looking for it, only to learn at the very end that it was one of the Jack-o-Lanterns from Nights of the Jack. 

This time, we were joined by our friends Pat, Sahar, Kyle, and Michael–just a bunch of unemployed, childless comedy-writing adults, meandering through a kids’ dreamland, stopping at different intervals to drink hot chocolate, enjoy the atmosphere, and talk about who might end up hosting The Daily Show. Are we broken? Who can say?

Carved is full of intricate pumpkin displays made of both real and artificial pumpkins. There are twinkly lights, spooky music, and a hay maze where kids jump maniacally on the hay bales, running on top of the maze instead of through it. At one point, we found ourselves in the “Rhizome,” an art installation where little kids danced, screaming, with glow swords, and it felt like being a children’s only Burning Man. It felt like the absolute most perfect place to have a panic attack, but we didn’t have time. We were too busy looking for that Mariah Carey pumpkin a whole hour away.

I love Descanso Gardens in general. We became members last fall, dreaming of taking regular walks through the beautiful flowers, getting fresh air and exercise. And, of course, this–a year later–was our first time back to make use of our membership. Membership is a lie we tell ourselves occasionally. Jason and I were also one-year members of the High Museum in Atlanta, the Liberty Science Museum in Jersey City, and MoMA in New York. These are all places we went to exactly once, the day that we got the membership. To be honest, the only place I’ve ever had a successful membership is when my whole extended family got season passes to Dollywood, and we went every single month for several years “to get the good out of it.” I eventually grew to despise Dollywood–a wondrous place with gentle rides and funnel cakes–and begged to be left home. 

Carved is officially closed for the season, but on November 19, their holiday event Enchanted starts. We went last December and loved it. The gardens are lit up, and it’s like walking onto the set of a Hallmark movie. We will probably go again, and there is a nonzero chance we will leave having renewed our membership. I just… have to believe we could be botanical gardens people in 2024. 

And now for what I ate! Every fall, I make this thing I just refer to as “Pumpkin Dessert,” because it’s not definable. It’s not a cake. It’s not a pie. It’s not even a pudding? It’s all of these things. My mother-in-law gave me the recipe a million years ago, and the science of it makes absolutely no sense. And yet, it turns out perfectly every single year. 

Pumpkin Dessert

Ingredients:

• 2 eggs

• 15 oz. can pumpkin

• ½ teaspoon, salt

• 1 teaspoon, vanilla

• 1 teaspoon, cinnamon

• 1 pinch, ginger

• 1 cup, sugar

• 12 oz. can evaporated milk

• 1 box, vanilla cake mix 

• 1 ½ cup, pecans

• 1 ½ sticks, butter, melted

Directions:

• Beat 2 eggs till frothy.

• Stir in pumpkin, salt, vanilla, cinnamon, ginger, sugar, and evaporated milk.

• Pour into a greased casserole dish and sprinkle the vanilla cake mix over the top. (I KNOW. IT MAKES NO SENSE.)

• Top with pecans.

• Pour the melted butter over the cake mix and nuts.

• Bake at 325 for 1 hour, 15 minutes to 1 hour, 30 minutes. I start checking around the 1 hour mark.

At the end, you’re left with this. It’s so much better than pumpkin pie or pumpkin cake, because it’s both and neither. Enjoy!